新视野

‘同居’ 的艺术

当你结了婚, 你与你的伴侣有时候会经历一些正面的冲突 – 特别是当你期望把你现有的单身生活方式带进你的婚姻生活里.  婚后, 俩人必须作一些的 ‘家务清理’ - 放弃你现有所熟悉的世界观, 好让你们能一起创造一个新的生活及新的文化. 大多数的人对这方面戏剧性的改变没有作好任何事前的准备. 要知道你所嫁或所娶的不是一个 ‘仿造品’(clone) – 以为它所想, 所做的与你完全相同.  所以俩人之间谁先必须学习让步, 改变, 及适应? 那一个方法最好? 这就有待俩个人一起去发现了.  这个 ‘让步, 改变, 及适应’最好是在结婚前去面对.要不然双方就会在婚后感到困惑及彻底的失望. 正如一个人所说的, ‘婚姻不是 50-50 的结合. 应是90-10 的关系. 有时候你让步90, 有时你会得到90. 但决对不要尝试去记分. 这就是人妻同居(一同居住)的艺术了.

When you marry, you and your spouse will experience a momentous head-on collision if you expect to bring your life as you now know it into marriage and continue its existence. Each of you will need to do some housecleaning and abandon your world as you know it now, so you can form a new life and a new culture. Most of us aren’t expecting that drastic a transition. But you are not marrying a clone who thinks, acts, and does things just like you. So who gives in, changes, and adapts? Which way is best? You will have to discover that together. It is so much easier to confront as many of these issues as possible before you marry, rather than to be devastated and disillusioned by them after the wedding. As one man said, ‘marriage is not a 50-50 proposition. It is more like a 90-10 relationship. Sometimes you give 90, and sometimes you get 90. But don’t try and keep score.

温老师